Why People-Pleasing Is Killing Your Business and How to Stop It
I learned a valuable lesson today. I realised I’m a people pleaser.
Frightened of upsetting anyone. Always wanting to help. Nice to have that moral compass, but when you’re building a business from scratch? Not such a good trait.
Someone reached out about a “collaboration opportunity.” The message was warm, complimentary, full of words like “mutual support” and “leveraging each other’s strengths.” It sounded exciting.
So I asked what they had in mind.
Turns out? It was a sponsorship pitch for a physical networking event in West London.
My community is online. And global. Most of my members are scattered across the UK and beyond. This event made zero strategic sense for my business.
I politely declined, explaining it didn’t fit my current strategy.
And then came my people-pleasing brain:
“But maybe I should say I’ll keep their details for when I’m more established?”
“Or offer to feature their event on my blog for free?”
“I should give something back, right? I don’t want to seem unhelpful.”
I was literally trying to find ways to say yes to something I’d already correctly identified as wrong for my business.
That’s when it hit me: this pattern is costing me more than just time. It’s diluting my message, distracting me from my goals, and limiting my business growth.
If you’re nodding along, this one’s for us.
The Asymmetry You’re Missing
Why Women Entrepreneurs Need to Stop People-Pleasing
Here’s what stopped me in my tracks today:
When that person reached out asking for my help, do you think they were people-pleasing? Do you think they were worried about upsetting me by making the ask?
No. They approached me to help them and their business out. They weren’t concerned about my feelings when they pitched me their sponsorship opportunity.
So why was I bending over backwards trying to find ways to help them when it added zero value to my business or my audience?
The person asking for your time, your platform, your expertise – they’re not people-pleasing. They’re being strategic. They’ve identified what they want and they’re going for it.
You’re allowed to do the same thing.
You have a right to say no. You can politely decline. If it isn’t of value to your time and business, why would you go there?
Why People-Pleasers Struggle in Business
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: the same traits that make you a lovely person can make you a struggling business owner.
Being helpful, accommodating, and concerned about others’ feelings are wonderful qualities. But in business, unchecked people-pleasing becomes:
Strategic self-sabotage. Every yes to something that doesn’t serve your goals is a no to something that does. That blog post I almost offered to write about someone else’s event? That’s time I won’t spend creating content that serves my members or attracts paying customers.
Diluted messaging. When you try to help everyone, support every cause, and promote every “collaboration,” your platform loses focus. Your audience doesn’t know what you stand for because you’re standing for everything.
Undervalued expertise. Offering free features, free promotion, and free advice trains people to expect you’ll always say yes. It positions you as someone who gives away what others charge for.
Misplaced priorities. I have 100 founding members and minimal revenue. My goal is buying a house for my daughter and myself in 1-2 years. A blog post about something that has no value for my audience does nothing for either goal. But people-pleasing brain tried to make me do it anyway.
Looking back, I realise I’ve said ‘yes’ so many times before and none of it added value to my business or my audience. I just didn’t want to upset anyone. And where has that got me? Still at minimal revenue, still scattered in my focus, still saying yes to things that don’t serve my goals.
The Math That Changed My Mind
Let me get really practical about this.
Right now, I need to:
- Find female entrepreneurs who actually want to be part of a community and pay for it
- Create content that serves my existing community
- Build systems for my membership platform
- Develop the premium offerings I’ve planned
- Execute my 12-month growth strategy
I have approximately 20-25 working hours per week (I’m a single mum with a 13-year-old daughter and a chronic illness).
If I write a blog post promoting someone else’s business, that’s:
- 2-3 hours of research and writing
- Time away from content that grows my business
- Platform space that could showcase my own offerings
- Promotional value I’m giving away for free
What’s the return on that investment? Making someone else feel good about my response to their sales pitch.
That’s not connection. That’s people-pleasing dressed up as collaboration.
What “Connection Over Competition” Actually Means
This is important because “connection over competition” is a core value for Female Entrepreneurs HQ.
But connection doesn’t mean:
- Saying yes to every opportunity
- Promoting everyone who asks
- Giving away your platform for free
- Keeping everyone happy at your own expense
Connection means:
- Creating authentic space for your members
- Building genuine relationships with aligned partners
- Being honest about what serves your community
- Protecting your energy so you can show up fully for the people you’ve committed to serve
The most connected thing I can do for my members is stay focused on serving them well – not scatter my attention across every nice person who emails me.
How to Say No Professionally (Without Feeling Guilty)
The Three Questions Framework for Business Decisions
Before you offer anything – your time, your platform, your expertise, your promotional power – ask yourself three questions:
- What value does this bring? Not to them. To you. To your clients. To your business goals.
- Is it worth my time and energy? Given everything else you could be doing with those hours, is this the best use of them?
- Is it subtracting from my business or adding to it? Be honest. Is this moving you toward your goals or away from them?
If you can’t answer with clear positives, your response is:
“Thanks for thinking of me, but this doesn’t fit my strategy right now.”
Add warmth if you want: “Good luck – it looks great!”
But don’t add maybes. Don’t offer alternatives.
Just be polite, be professional, and move on.
Real Example: What Happened When I Said No
I sent: “Thanks for understanding! Good luck.”
Nothing more. No offers. No maybes. No free blog features.
It felt uncomfortable. I sent it anyway.
Her response? “No problem at all. Thanks for hearing us out!”
That’s it. The world didn’t end. She was fine. Our exchange was professional and complete.
And I protected my time, my platform, my members, and my goals.
5 Steps to Stop People-Pleasing in Business
Practice This Framework Today
The next time someone approaches you with an opportunity that doesn’t fit, I want you to:
- Recognise the pattern. Notice when you start thinking “but maybe I should…” That’s people-pleasing brain talking.
- Ask the question. Does this serve my clients or my revenue goals? Be honest.
- Craft your response. Keep it simple: “Thanks for reaching out, but this doesn’t fit my current strategy.”
- Feel the discomfort. It will be uncomfortable. Send it anyway.
- Celebrate the boundary. You just chose your business over being liked by a stranger. That’s growth.
Being Kind While Protecting Your Business
You can be both kind and strategic.
Kind is: “Thanks for thinking of me.” Strategic is: “This doesn’t fit my goals.”
Kind is: “I appreciate you reaching out.” Strategic is: Not offering alternatives when you’ve already said no.
Kind is: “Good luck!” Strategic is: Not featuring it on your blog for free.
You don’t have to choose between being a good person and building a successful business. You just have to stop confusing people-pleasing with genuine connection.
Your Business Will Thank You
What You Gain When You Stop Saying Yes to Everything
Every time you say no to something that doesn’t serve your goals, you’re saying yes to:
- More time for your actual priorities
- Clearer messaging to your audience
- Protected energy for your clients
- Strategic growth instead of scattered effort
- A business that actually supports your life goals
Your future self – the one who hit her revenue targets, built that thriving business- she’s not thanking you for all the times you helped random people who emailed you.
She’s thanking you for all the times you said: “No thanks. I’m focused on my goals.”
Be polite. Be professional. But for the love of your business, be strategic.
Your business deserves it. Your clients deserve it. And honestly? You deserve it too.
Do you suffer from people-pleasing in your business? What’s the hardest opportunity you’ve said no to? Tell me in the comments – I’d love to know I’m not alone in this.
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